5 Ways to Relearn Listening to Your Spouse

How to Relearn Listening to Your Spouse - wikiHow/**/ the how to manual that you can edit Sign Up or Log In or Log In via | Help Get our free iPhone App HomeArticlesCommunityMy Profile EditHome / Categories / Family Life / Married LifeHow to Relearn Listening to Your Spouse originated by:Melibu, Harri, Flickety, Eric (see all)Article Edit Discuss View HistoryTweet When you have been married for a long time, you may start to wonder what happened to the honeymoon. However, even if you feel that the flame has died down, there is always a way to make your marriage work smoothly again.The main thing is for you to remember how to listen to what your spouse has to say, and here are a few steps to relearn to listen within your relationship.edit Steps1Devote dedicated time to your relationship to make space for communicating together. Even when you have too much work or you're feeling too tired, it is very important for you to dedicate some time to do things with your spouse that give both of you the opportunity to share. Such opportunities can be activities such as taking a walk or having dinner at a nice restaurant together. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you have the chance to talk and have a nice time together.Read How to surprise someone with a romantic dinner for one excellent idea.2If you find the time you spend together feels a little bit boring and not conducive to conversation, try to spice things up. Do something that your spouse would find unexpected, like buying some delicious take-out and preparing a movies-night and chill-out together after work. This way your spouse will feel that you're making an effort to make things better between you two and he or she will appreciate it and may be willing to listen to you and talk to you about her or his own stuff.3Remember that respect is the most important thing in a relationship and that listening forms a large part of respect. Listen to what your spouse has to say with respect and out of respect. If you don't agree with something, let her or him know without being rude. Aim to be polite above all, so that your spouse feels comfortable in telling you about her or his issues, interests, and concerns.Practice active listening. This is the key to a good ongoing relationship and will ensure that both of you feel listened to.Instead of making demands, learn to make requests. Think about how you like to be asked to do something or to be somewhere or to be considered and be guided by that when forming your requests of your spouse.Avoid turning a legitimate complaint into a blame-shifting exercise. This means avoiding tacking on comments like "what is wrong with you?", "why are you so thoughtless?", or "you don't care anymore". Instead, couch your concerns in terms of how it makes you feel, such as "We agreed that you would clean the bathroom and I mop the kitchen floors. I am upset that you didn't clean this week."4Start caring again about things your spouse does. It can be hard to do this, especially if you feel that your spouse's work or activities have come between the two of you but showing interest will go a long way to helping both of you to reconnect. Ask your spouse how work was or how she or he feels about something in particular that you know your spouse has opinions about. Try to initiate a pleasant conversation where you can listen about something your spouse enjoys telling you. Let your spouse know you're willing to listen and actively respond to the things your spouse tells you.Offer to go along to a hobby, activity, club, or something else that your spouse is involved in and would like to show you. This will be the ultimate form of listening again, as you act on what your spouse has been telling you.5Don't ever make it all about yourself. If you're telling your spouse something, remember to ask for her or his point of view. Even if you don't see eye to eye on issues, exploring them together is an important part of continuing to grow within your relationship.Stop and pay attention to what's going through your mind when listening to your spouse. Are you compiling a shopping list, withdrawing into yourself, or truly listening?Discern between constructive criticism and harmful condescension. A spouse sees your foibles as much as your strong points; sometimes, your spouse may try to help you but you might perceive it as criticism. When you are open to learning more about yourself and growing, it will be easier to work out whether the advice is helpful or merely undermining. If it's constructive advice, learn to build upon is rather than distancing yourself from your spouse.If you find that you're in a relationship where condescension drives either or both of your conversation styles, it may be a good time to seek counseling. Condescension can eat away at a relationship until it's very hard to have a conversation without it being about deriding the other person.edit Video edit TipsBe patient, this is a process. Nothing is easy about relearning to listen in a relationship but it will be great once you start listening to each other again.When listening, provide acknowledgment rather than suggestions; suggestions and advice, although well intended, can get right in the way of clarifying what the other person wishes to say or express.edit WarningsTry to put aside time to converse regularly; this is much easier than having heavy, challenging, deep conversations after months of tension aimed at making up for not dealing with concerns and issues as they arise.edit Related wikiHowsHow to Deal With Family Members That Dislike Your SpouseHow to Encourage Your Spouse to Interact with the KidsHow to Love Your Spouse AgainHow to Surprise Your SpouseHow to Get Along with a SpouseArticles for You to WriteHere is a list of suggested articles that have not yet been written. You can help by researching and writing one of these articles. 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